Dear Future Husband ~ The Lost Bride

​I was looking through the pages of my notebook, and I came across this letter I wrote in February. I now recall why I keep filing my schedule with activities - meeting with friends, spending time in the gym, and attending workshops/seminars. It was my way of coping with this feeling of lost.. I didn't feel like posting the letter then because I wasn't sure how I felt about the contents of this letter. To be honest, I'm still not sure how to feel about it now. But I decided to put it up --- after all, it's not all rainbows and lavender-laden prairie kind of journey for this lonely bride. I wish to shed light to some of the darkened moments, in the hope that there would be less of them. It's not easy being a future bride - but it's nice to hold on to some thread of Hope ~ ❤

28 February, 2018

  

Dear Future Husband​,

​I haven't been writing lately. This month went by in a blur, and before I realized it, it's already the last day of the month! Just like that, ​2 whole months into 2018, and yet I feel like nothing much have changed. I still feel lost - I tried to fill my weekends with activities which I believe would inspire me - and my calendar organizer would show just how fully-booked my schedule is (until March!), but that unsettling void still lingers. I feel like I haven't accomplished much. I tried going to the gym as much as I can. I believe I could use the endorphins that gets released when I exercise. So for a good 2 hours, I would have a temporary solace in the gym. Also, I go out to meet with my friends. On 2 separate occasions, I've met with friends from grade school, and friends from High school (these are 2 separate group as I went to different schools then 😉). And I do feel positive when I spend time with them. But when the day is through and it's time to go home, I feel that unsettling feeling again, like it was just right there waiting to welcome me back. 😢

I need a major change and I need it soon. I do not wish for anything drastic, but a shift would be very much welcomed. I do not enjoy feeling tired all the time - this had been going on for quite some time now. I know there must be some way I can be at peace with what I am; with what I do; and, with what I am facing. I don't want to be lost anymore! It's very tiring to wake up everyday and just thrive. I won't even consider it a life, as it's really just thriving! 😒When the time comes to meet my Creator, I'm not sure how I would respond when I get asked what would be my most significant accomplishment. So, it's this feeling that's looming above me like some dark cloud that I can't seem to escape from.

And now as the second month of the year comes to a close, I have big hope and will be looking forward to that shift. A shift towards the direction where the good Lord intends me to be. And as I continue on with this journey, it would surely be nice to find you along the way. Here's hoping to cross paths with you soon...

~xoxo 💜

Your future bride 😘

​​

​As I was typing this, I can't help but feel grateful for my full schedule. I guess, I'm still ​searching for that shift, and I can't help but feel hopeless (helpless?) from time to time. Nowadays, I spend more time in the gym, and I'm feeling more positive than I did back then, when I wrote this letter. I'm grateful for the opportunities I'm being presented and the amazing people who inspire me and graciously accepted the role of being instruments of God's love to bless the world. I will continue to hold on to that thread of Hope, and believe that someday soon I would be instrumental in sharing that hope to others. 

~ 💖xoxo💖 ~

Dear Future Husband - A Bashful Bride's Challenge

The journey to "happily ever after" is no easy task, it's indeed a rather challenging path for this hopeful bride... After a rather unintentional break (from writing), here I am again, the lovely, albeit somewhat lonely, (future) bride sharing some really crazy encounters and the thought process behind what ultimately led to the most insane declaration to date... 😅

Dear Future Husband,

I haven’t been able to write lately. I got caught up with fixing my schedule, trying to fit appointments/engagements, and working around with gym class schedules – I wasn’t able to squeeze some time to write you about them. In any case, I’m writing now because I think I had a major breakthrough (or meltdown!)  this past weekend and I just felt it's ok to share with you. Brace yourself!

My 2018 vision board #GOALS2018

This Saturday (April 14th), I attended a seminar “Strategies for Success” – you see I’ve been gearing up for that quantum leap in my professional career, so I’ve been keeping busy... In this seminar, I was asked to share my vision board  in front of the participants. Okay, it was a rather small, cozy group of 16 people – but it was rather nerve wracking on my part, as I’m not really the most comfortable having to speak in front of “practical strangers”. And if that was not wild enough, I got to share some really personal stuff - stuff that I can’t even imagine discussing with my own mother! Stuff including, but not limited to, my relationship goals for this year #goals2018 – which was highlighted in my vision board. So, there I was ever so casually (and rather bashfully) shared the thoughts behind how my vision board came to be. I also mentioned my passion for writing, how I write a letter from time to time addressed to #DearFutureHusband. It may have happened all too random, but I think I just rambled on and inadvertently declared (to the universe, aka seminar hall) your existence, and how “I was this close” to finally meeting you!!! (translation: I just bared my brand of crazy to a bunch of a rather respectable group of individuals). And keeping up with this crazy bit, you do realize where this is leading to, right? (OH! I sure hope you do!) We have to make US happen! I’m not sure where, I don’t know when, I only hope it would be soon! 😉

Here’s hoping, and praying, to have you in the same page with me in this #goals2018. I hope you won’t think I’m too crazy... Just so you know, I can do sane like it’s any normal part of my system – promise!  That said, I’m really looking forward to meeting you real soon.

~xoxo 💖

Your Future Bride 😘

As you can see, it was quite an embarrassing experience, but as the wise would say, if you wish to go further, dapat walang hiya! (direct translation: you should have no shame 😅 ~ pun intended) I still have a long way from shedding off my inherent shyness.. But it's a task I'm willing to face head on. I looked through my notebook (an actual notebook, where you write random stuff..) and found 2 other letters that I wrote some time in February. I'd get back to that soon & see how it would fit in this series. So, on to the next chapter 😊

~ 💖 xoxo 💖~

Dear Future Husband - Commuter Bride's Tale

The throes of daily commute is a whole different struggle on its own. Stress is just too real and has become inevitable. So, what's a poor bride got to do...

Dear Future Husband,

     It was indeed a stressful start of day for me. It was one of those days when getting a ride to work became extra-extra challenging. It took a quite some time for me to get a ride. I realize it was already getting late as I note the time, but there was very little that I can do. Our street was uncharacteristically not congested that day, which should have been good news IF you’re driving your own car, but for commuters like me, it means NO ride. After what seemed an eternity, I finally got a ride. But in less than 3 minutes, the driver stopped switched the engine off to check on the hood. To cut the long agony short, it’s not fit to run. So, I had no choice but to get my phone & book a car, at the same time hoping to get a cab whichever comes first as I was already getting close to losing my wits. After a few minutes, I was able to book a car. I was delighted and thought “yey! there’s still hope”. I realized, I’ve celebrated too soon. A number of minutes of waiting passed when the good driver decided to cancel on me! Like, seriously!!! Are you freakin’ kidding me??? My allergy rashes were literally flaring up, I realize I haven’t taken my meds yet – which is a whole different story. So anyway, it was already way past the hour of sanity, and I’m still yet to get a stupid ride to work. It’s just really crazy ridiculous. I haven’t even got to the office yet but my stress level was already reaching critical points. It took yet another while before I finally got a cab, as it happened the apps (both apps) failed me on such crucial moments. By the time I got in the office, I had to file for a half day leave already. It was that bad. 

                 It’s days like this that I’m reminded of my long running intent to buy my own car. I had been pushing it back for some reasons now. Bottom line, I still don’t have that strong drive to actually push thru with it. It’s such a big responsibility, I mean not only the financial aspect, but also the maintenance, and not to mention the social factors (I dread the thought of having to deal with traffic crooks &/or entities that threatens to inflict harm to car owners). So yeah, it’s like weighing between necessary evil & lesser evil – and quite frankly it’s sucking the life energy out of me. I realize, these all sound like frustrated rambling – I guess I just need to let it out of my system, to vent a little. 

 Here’s hoping for less stress for the remaining part of the day! 

~xoxo💖

  future bride 😘

I've always found writing therapeutic (obviously). It's just my penmanship that bothers me, though... 😄 I used to think my handwriting was quite neat & dainty. But as I look at it now, it just looks like a tired "Tita of Manila" stroke 😂😂😂 ~ which I'll let go for now.. I'm done with my crazy thought for the day & will have to face the other crazies next time. Hopefully this practice will not scare my #dearFutureHusband and instead help him to become a reality some time very soon. 😉

~ xoxo 😘~

Dear Future Husband - Intro

Here I am again with yet another creative (spell crazy) idea, this actually occurred to me while in the cab on the way to work this morning. I guess inspirations do come in the oddest of places, some say they get their creative juices flowing while doing their business in the bathroom – so yeah, ideas hit you when it finds you, wherever you may be. Hence, the awkward and lack-luster (if not totally devoid of human affections) letter came to be. I believe I wanted to be spontaneous, but then being spontaneous sometimes goes with “not being well-thought of”. So, I guess it takes some level of courage, and a strong urge to prove that I can be spontaneous, to share this raw piece – which I may tweak a little here and there, as I am admittedly an over-thinker.   

09 January, 2018  

Dear Future Husband,  

      A thought occurred to me this morning as I was on my way to work today. It was a crazy idea, but I thought I'd go with it anyway _And it is to write a letter (journal) as if I am really writing to a real person, and what better way to address it to than to a hopeful (wishful) entity. So, I decided to address it to you 😊 

     I have always wanted to write some sort of a series, like a recurring thought that progresses through time (or not)  It's just [a matter of] finding the right timing (?), or inspiration (?). I have thought of a variety of inspiring ideas here and there but I never really had the time to write them down. No one to share those ideas with, however crazy they seemed. And [Yet] I do believe that those idea would come back to me, I mean, they can't just go away, right? But, I really hope that by doing this, it will help me collect my thoughts and organize it in a way that it would make more sense. 

      Speaking of sense, logically it would be sound to start with an introduction of myself maybe (?). But then I thought I'd like to be spontaneous, and eventually [gradually] reveal a thing or two about me in time. But for now, I'll just have to live with this vague, albeit odd, letter and perhaps write back with more substance next time.

Hope to keep in touch!

- - - end - - -

So, yeah... I can't even bring myself to sign it. I'm torn between "sincerely" or "Love always"... None seemed appropriate 😁 haha...

In any case, here's to starting the year with a cheerful thought! 

~ xoxo 😘 

(future bride)